


To Live Another Day

by ComposerEgg



Series: Feels More Like a Memory [1]
Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: (rhyme doesn't actually show up they're just mentioned briefly in chapter 5), Ableism, Agender Rhyme, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Josh has a major crush on Neku, M/M, Reincarnation, TWEWY Bang 2016, autistic Joshua, autistic Neku, mentions of aba therapy (in chapters 6 and 7)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 19:18:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8221972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComposerEgg/pseuds/ComposerEgg
Summary: Joshua has always seen the UG, ever since he was born. He has also disliked leaving Shibuya more than any normal kid would. When he was eight, he ended up in the care of one Sanae Hanekoma, meeting another kid named Neku at the cafe. Neku was his first friend, and first crush. Lately though, he’s been having strange dreams, ones he can’t remember, nightmares of dying and darkness and then he wakes up, panicked and terrified that he’d failed to protect someone, something, but he can’t remember what, or who.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some notes on formatting and setting
> 
> Italics (in big chunks): flashback  
> texts are sent inside ^these things^, and when italicized are texts from the other person in the conversation  
> sign language is put inside [brackets] and are italicized
> 
> As for setting, time should technically be in futuristic Japan, but I do not have experience with that setting, so while it's still in Shibuya and stuff, the setting still feels like 2016, and it's more Americanized (especially in reference to the school system).

_Fallen Angels were always tough to fight, he’d faced off against them a few times before, but this one was the worst so far. The smell of Taboo hung thick in the air, smoke clouding the Room of Reckoning, as Joshua stared down his opponent. He stood tall, form shimmering, wisping away from the excess of power. The Fallen stuck to summoning Taboo Noise, throwing the beings at the Composer, while he dodged out of the way of the attacks and hurled his beams of energy at the Noise, vaporizing them on the spot._

_At the far end of the room, the Fallen in between Joshua and this newcomer, someone with bright orange hair and purple headphones walked into the room, freezing up at the sight of the battle._

_Joshua flung himself in between Neku and the Fallen, with no time to spare for any other sort of shield._

 

Joshua bolted upright in bed, holding his head as it throbbed. This was the third time in a week that he’d woken up from a nightmare like this, and looking back on his life, it’d happened more times than he could count. He never did remember what was in the nightmare, only that he was panicking at the end of it, trying to stop something, trying to save someone.

He lays in bed, taking deep breaths to relax and calm down so he could go back to sleep. It doesn’t work. After two hours his alarm goes off, and he sighs, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he turns it off.

Groaning, he walks into the kitchen downstairs, stealing some pancakes and a cup of coffee before sitting at the table. He’s halfway through his second pancake when the door leading to the shop-front opens, and his guardian ( _your dad_ , a voice in the back of his mind says, he shoves that to the side, because even after seven years, it still sounds weird) steps in.

“...You stole pancakes again? Seriously? You begged me to get you cereal like a week ago, and you haven’t touched it!”

He grins up at Hanekoma, stifling  a yawn. “You left the pancakes out, you knew this would happen if you left them out for me to grab. ‘Sides, I had another bad dream, and there’s nothing like comfort food to help out with that.”

 ~~His dad~~ Hanekoma plops down in the chair across from him, sighing. “Another nightmare, huh? Still can’t remember what it’s about?”

He shakes his head, eating some more pancake before replying. “Nope, not really. All I can remember are residual feelings. Like, I’m doing something, and I’m tired and worn out from whatever it is, then suddenly there’s this huge feeling of fear and panic and I wake up.”

“Same as usual then, huh? Well, no use dwelling on it, that’d just make your day worse. Ya gotta--”

“Enjoy the moment,” Josh interrupts, in between bites. “I know. You say that to me like, three times a day, every day.”

Hanekoma laughs. “Well now, _someone’s_ feeling like a smarty-mouth today. Ya might wanna finish up quick, or you’ll have to run to school, Josh.”

Josh groans, taking a few big bites, before putting his dishes in the sink and grabbing his backpack from by the couch, tossing the lunch he’d prepared the night before into it. As he’s on his way out, he grabs another coffee, this time in a to-go cup, for his friend.

Dashing out the door, he looks around, and sighs when he sees people wearing Player Pins, one of the telltale signs that it’s a Game week. He makes a mental note to dig up some pins from his own collection and toss them at the Players, they could use all the help they could get.

When he gets to Towa Records, Josh glances around for his friend, grinning when he spots the bright orange hair. He jogs up to the other boy, waving a hand at him.

“Neku!” he shouts, to get his attention.

When Neku hears him, he turns from browsing the new releases, waving back. “Hey Josh!”

“It’s been _so long_ since I’ve seen you, the days have stretched on and on as I awaited my next chance to gaze upon your face. Also I snagged you a coffee!” he says, handing the cup over.

Neku took the cup and chuckled. “It’s been like, two days, chill. You saw me on Friday. Thanks for the coffee though, gonna need it if I wanna stay awake for my math test.”

Josh elbows him in the side, as they start walking to Josh’s school. “Hey, you know me, being overdramatic is my pastime. Besides, we usually hang out on the weekends, so I missed getting to see you.”

“Ain’t my fault my dad demanded I go on a weekend trip with him. If you’re so _desperate_ to make up for the lost time though, we could go to Ramen Don after classes and chill. Maybe that chef you like will be there.” Neku elbows him back, grinning.

“ _Dude_ , he’s like, twice our age, so no. Besides, I’ve known him since I was like, eight, that’d be weird!” Once more an elbow met with Neku’s side.

“Hey, you’re the one that said he was cute last month. I mean, I agree that he’s cute, but you’re the one that said it.” Neku elbows him again.

“Okay yeah, he’s _cute_ , but still, just no. Besides, I like someone else.” He doesn’t elbow Neku back this time, blushing and looking away.

“Oh? You gonna tell me who your mystery crush is this time?” Neku raises an eyebrow, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Not at all! I’ll tell you someday maybe, but for now… I’d rather not.” He doesn’t look back up at Neku, hoping his face isn’t as red as it feels.

“It’s alright dude. It’s private, I know, but if ya ever want to talk about this person, I’m all ears.”

“I know, I know. I just… It’d be weird, talking about the person, honestly, it’s a lot easier for me to not talk about them, because if I do, I’m just gonna want to tell them even more, and I’m not a fan of the idea of being rejected. Slim chance they won’t, but I don’t wanna risk it.” Josh sighs, playing with the black spinny ring on his middle right finger, finding comfort in the motion.

“Well, don’t be too hard on yourself, dude. I don’t see why anyone would turn you down, when you’re such a great person.” When Josh looks over at Neku, he sees a wide smile, and gives a small one back. Seeing Neku’s face like that lights up his day, and he swears he can feel the warmth of the sun on his skin a bit more.

As they walked and talked, a few pairs of Players would occasionally dash by, sprinting away from Noise or to find the next clue for their mission. Josh thought he’d been doing a good job of keeping his attention focused on Neku and not on the Game, but he jumps when Neku speaks up, having been eyeing a battle going on.

“You seem a bit out of it today. Is it that Game you talk about sometimes, that you can see?”

Josh blinks, nodding and looking back at Neku, as the Players defeat the Noise. “Yeah, looks like it’s the start of a new Game week, lots of people dashing around today, lots of battles taking place.”

“Well, if ya need to chat about something you see, you can tell me. I might not know as much as Mr. Hanekoma, but I’ll always be here for you.”

“Mm, I know… Thanks again, by the way, for believing me when I talk about it all…” Josh sighs, rubbing his face. “Most people, if told about a Game where people who’ve died fight to come back to life, would probably freak out and tell me I need to be on meds, or institutionalized.”

Neku frowns. “Even if you didn’t have Mr. Hanekoma backing you up on all this, even if what you see wasn’t actually real, those people would be wrong. Meds maybe, if there’s some sort of chemical imbalance in your brain causing it, but that idea of _locking all the crazy people up_ ,” he uses his free hand to make air quotes, “should really be a thing of the past by now, and it’s a testament to how annoying humans can be that it’s not.”

“Indeed it is. I mean, you’d think stigma about all this would be gone by now, but _nooo_.” He throws his arms open wide, spinning in a wide circle. “Just look around, there’s probably a good few assholes in this crowd right now. Can’t tell until they open their mouth to speak, but they’re there.”

At Josh’s antics, Neku chuckles, nodding. “Best we can do right now is try to avoid them, and get to school on time.”

“Yeah, true. Right now I’m wishin’ Hanekoma would let me skip a bit more though, but even if he did, disrupted sleep is too common for me to use as an excuse.”

“Strange and mysterious nightmare again?” Neku asks, frowning. “The one you never remember any details of, and puts you into a panic when you wake?”

Josh nods. “Yeah, that one. Couldn’t get a wink of sleep after I woke up, and I’d already stayed up late studying for my science test today.”

“Mm, wish I could help ya, but I don’t know any remedy for nightmares, unfortunately. When it happens again though, just remember, you can always text me. I don’t mind getting woken up to chat with you.” Neku reaches out and grabs Josh’s hand, giving him a small smile.

“Thanks, dude. I might have to take you up on that offer.” He squeezes Neku’s hand, before sighing as they come to the front doors of the school. “And now, unfortunately, we must part ways. The greatest tragedy of my life is right here, and it’s the fact that you _still_ don’t go to my school.”

Neku laughs. “Hey, don’t blame me, not like I have a choice in the matter. See you at lunch though, yeah?”

“Sounds like a plan. I swear, one of these days though, you’re gonna get caught sneaking into my school and out of yours, so be safe. I’d hate for you to get detention just for my sake.”

“Nah, I’m good at sneaking, I won’t get caught! You’d better get goin’ though, your classes start in like, five minutes.” Neku smiles and waves goodbye as Josh dashes into the building, giving a quick wave himself as he tries not to be late.


	2. Chapter 2

_Wildfire orange splashed against snow-white feathers, Neku cuddled close to him, hair a bright splotch of color the backdrop of Joshua’s wings, wrapped around them. Neku’s smiling, tracing over his skin, drawing out spirals on his back, zigzags on his chest, red dusting his cheeks as he leans in and kisses him on the nose._

_Violet eyes wander, mapping out every inch of the boy before him, counting the freckles on his face, the curve of his lips as he smiles, the slight arch in his eyebrows, as Neku notices his exploratory gaze._

_If Neku has questions, he doesn’t ask them, the unbroken silence between them like a blanket of heavy air. Small drops of sound float between them, Neku’s even breathes, the occasional shuffle of limbs, but his favorite was the tempo played out by Neku’s heart. He could feel the steady beat pulsing against his skin, warmth spreading throughout his body, emanating from the contact points, only muffled by clothes._

_In this moment, here with Neku curled up beside him on the couch, the penthouse felt a little less like a glamorous hotel, and more like a home. The smile dancing on his lips lacked the usual sting of sarcasm, opting to steal the breath from Neku’s lungs instead._

 

The ringing of the school bell, dismissing them for lunch, jolts Josh from his daydream, and he sighs, a frown tugging at the corners of his mouth. The scene itself felt silky smooth, sliding through his brain, but one detail stuck out, cementing this as fantasy (as if the kissing didn’t).

Slinging his backpack over his shoulder confirmed the obvious. There were no wings sticking out of his back, no extra appendages to house his Soul for all the world (or for a select few he’d choose) to see.

Exiting the classroom, Josh hums a small tune, heading for the cafeteria. When he reaches it, he spots Neku already at their usual table, and he heads over to his friend with a grin.

“Amazing, yet again you reached the lunch room first, despite this being my school. How do you do it?” he asks, plopping down on the ground by his friend.

“Ah, that’s my secret, I guess you’ll just have to be stuck wondering forever!” Neku grins back at him.

“Aw, you’re no fun.” Josh pouts at his friend. “I’d offer to sneak into your school sometime, but I have no clue what it’s like at all, so that’d fail.” He takes out his lunch, consisting of some Bouillabaisse soup in a thermos, a salad, and an apple.

“My school’s boring, nothing exciting ever happens. Can I steal your apple?” Neku asks, already reaching for it as Josh grabs it and tosses it at him, which he almost doesn’t catch.

“Sure, go right ahead. And yeah, your school is the most boringest ever, how do you stand it?”

“I stand it by sneaking out every day to come visit you, dweeb.” Neku grins, poking Josh’s shoulder with his free hand as he takes a bite of the apple.

Josh laughs, and no, leaning in to kiss Neku would not be a good idea right now, no matter what his heart has to say on the matter. He settles for poking back and taking a bite of salad so he can think before replying. “Aw, it’s so sweet of you to admit that, Neku! I’m glad to know I make such dull and uninteresting days enjoyable, even if only for a little while.”

“Yeah, well, you’re my friend, hanging out with you is one of my favorite things to do.” Neku’s grin has softened, a sincere smile on his face.

“Mm, same with you,” Josh says, smiling back. “You’re easy to be around, like, other people exhaust me, drain my energy, but you don’t.”

“Glad to hear it.” Neku pauses, looking at Josh for a moment. “Is today an okay-touch day, or a no-touch day?”

“It’s an okay day for me,” he says, after giving it a moment’s thought.

Neku takes that as permission to scoot closer and lean on Josh. “I’m glad, because it’s an okay-touch day for me too, and you’re comfy.”

“I may be comfy, but I’m also trying to _eat_. You leaning on my shoulder makes that harder, nerd.” He sounds annoyed, but his words have no bite.

“You’ll manage, I’m sure.” Neku chuckles. “I’d nudge you right now, but you’d spill your soup, and then actually get mad at me.”

“Wise decision. While soup tastes good, getting it all over my clothes would be sensory hell.”

“Urgh, I don’t know _how_ you can stomach that stuff! The texture is weird and the tastes are all wrong.” Neku wrinkles his nose in disgust, causing Josh to laugh.

“I kinda like the texture, I guess. The tastes are pretty good too, though I can see where you’re coming from.” He takes a bite, before speaking again. “I will say, it’s a lot better fresh than it is stored in a thermos for like, 5 hours.”

“Hah, probably. See, I don’t gotta worry about that, because I get to leech food from you.” To emphasize his point, Neku takes another bite from the apple.

“You could bring your own food for once, ya know?”

“Yeah yeah, I _could,_ but why do that when your love for me lets me steal your food?” Neku grins as Josh has to put his spoon down so he can rub his face.

“Oh my god, you’re _horrible_ , you realize that, right?” He looks away, still rubbing at his face to hide the red tint. Neku does this all the time, and never once has he stopped to see how Josh bites his tongue to keep words he shouldn’t say from spilling out.

“I am aware, you’ve told me many times. You still love me though, after all, we’re best friends!”

Joshua refrains from sighing, from saying _I love you in a different way too_ , instead opting to hide with a laugh, rolling his eyes. “Yeah yeah, of course, but my high school cafeteria isn’t very high on the list of places to make a declaration of love.”

“Okay then, what’s a _good_ place to make such declarations?” Neku smirks, raising an eyebrow.

“I dunno,” he says, “I guess somewhere private. I don’t get the appeal of flaunting it for the world to see, feels less personal and more like a show.”

“You should keep that in mind when you get the nerve to confess to your crush. I’m sure you could find a nice, romantic way to woo them in private.” Josh groans as Neku chuckles.

“I am going to fling my soup at you if you keep this up.”

“Nah, you won’t, you’re too nice.” Neku pokes him, before glancing at the clock on the opposite wall and sighing. “Besides, I need to hop out and head back to my school. Class resumes soon.” With that he stands, giving a wave to Josh. “We’re still meeting after school at Ramen Don, right?”

Josh hums, nodding. “Yep! See you there! And seriously, find a way to switch schools, this is so annoying.”

Neku laughs, and slips out the nearest door, taking a moment to compose himself once he’s out of sight.

 

A few hours later, and a few streets away, Neku shows up early to Ramen Don, plopping down at the counter and waving to Beat, who grins and waves back.

“Hey man, haven’t seen ya in a while! Shoyu ramen as usual?”

Neku nods, letting out a sigh.”Yeah, Shoyu sounds good, and sorry about that. It was a… long week.”

“Well, don’tchu go forgettin’ to eat. That was always ah, _his_ , problem, ya know?” Beat says as he starts to cook up the ramen.

“Mhm, I know. I keep the place well-stocked with food. Oh also, Josh is heading here to hang out once he gets out of school, just a heads up.”

“Sweet, it’ll be cool to see Josh again, he hasn’t swung by lately.” Beat frowns. “He’s doin’ alright, right?”

Neku shrugs. “He’s not doing horrible, but he’s not the best right now either. The nightmares have gotten worse, I think, so he’s getting less sleep and still doesn’t remember what they’re about.”

“And tellin’ him still ain’t a good idea?” Beat asks, as he serves up Neku’s ramen.

“He’ll remember eventually, so waiting for that moment is the best course of action.” Neku leans forward, starting to eat the ramen. “Just as good as usual!” he says, after the first bite.

“Glad t’ hear it. An’ hey, if wwe just gotta wait till he remembers, then we’ll wait.”

Neku nods. “He’ll remember soon, I’m sure. We just have to have patience. "


	3. Chapter 3

While Josh met up with his friends at Ramen Don, Hanekoma reminisced, half a city away, in his quiet little cafe.

 

~~~

 

It had been a rainy, dreary Saturday, so the dense crowds Shibuya usually had were thinned out, even after the rain let up that evening. Hanekoma had decided to go for a walk, heading down to Hachiko as the sun set. It had been a lazy day for him, the Players of this week’s Game never made it down to Cat street, so he hadn’t had much business.

As he approached the dog statue, he felt as though something was off. At first he chalked it up to the lack of people bustling about, but he decided to focus in on the Music as he glanced around in the end.

Spotting _him_.

Hidden in the bushes behind the statue was a small boy, no more than eight, with scraggly white hair, eyes a piercing violet widened in fear.

Hanekoma walked over, bending down to talk to talk to him. “Hey kiddo, whatcha doin’ out here all alone?” He smiled at Josh _(is his name even still Josh now?)_ , worrying about why he might be doing here, with no parent or guardian in sight.

The kid eyed him for a moment, distrust written on his face in the form of scrunched eyebrows and a half-frown. “...Got lost,” is what he mutters, after the moment of silence. “Parents told me to run, so I did, ended up here… Something bad happened.”

Hanekoma frowned, tilting his head at the response he got. “Do you remember where you were when you last saw them? I can take you there, and make sure nothing else bad happens if ya want.”

“We were by the trains, just got off one. I saw a pretty pink frog and tried to chase it, parent’s followed. There was a person with a gun on the way back. Mother told me to run, so I did, don’t know what happened after.”

“Well, I can take you back there, if you want? If the bad man is still there I can keep you safe, and hopefully your parents are okay. Name’s Hanekoma by the way, you can call me Mr. H though.” He held his hand out to the child, making a mental note that he can see the UG in this life too, based off the reference to the Fifenfrog.

“My name’s Yoshiya,” he said, reaching out and taking Hanekoma’s hand, crawling out of the bushes as he does so. “Thank you for offering to help, Mr. Hanekoma.”

“It’s no problem, kiddo. Can’t just leave ya outside like this, after all. And your name’s Yoshiya, huh?” Hanekoma paused, taking a breath. “Mind if I call ya Joshua? I had a friend, a while back, named Yoshiya, that was his nickname.” He started to head towards the station underpass, trying not to worry about what they might find upon arrival.

“Hmm, sure. I don’t mind that nickname.”

“Well then, it’s nice to meet you, Joshua… You mentioned pink frogs earlier, didn’t you? Did they happen to have graffiti-like legs?”

Joshua’s face lit up as Hanekoma asked the question. “Yes! They did! You can see them too? My parents always thought I was making it all up, all the strange animals and winged people.”

Hanekoma smiled down at Josh, nodding. “Yeah, I can see ‘em too. What you see is called the UnderGround, or UG, while what we’re in right now is the RealGround, or RG. Most people in the RG can’t see the UG, but some people such as yourself are tuned into the vibes of the UG better and can see it. The animals you see are called Noise, and the people with wings are called Reapers. I’m sure you’ve also noticed people running around that others seem to ignore, they’re called Players, and they play in the Reaper’s game, which is a big part of the UG.” Hanekoma chuckled at Josh, noting how the kid looked like he wanted to grab a pencil and write all this down.

“What’s the Game? What do the Reapers do? What do the Noise do? How do you know all this?” Joshua was practically bouncing up and down as he walked, an eager little kid who wanted to learn all about the mystical world he saw.

“Whoa there, slow down. I’ll answer all your questions, but later. For now, we’re getting pretty close to the station underpass, where you said the bad thing happened. You might wanna stay back, in case something did hap--”

“No,” Josh interrupted. “I’m coming with you. They’re my parents, and I don’t want to be all alone around here.”

Hanekoma sighed. “Fair enough, just stick close, and if you’re afraid of what you might see, cover your eyes.”

Josh nodded, and clung to Hanekoma’s hand, following him through the underpass.

As they rounded a corner, Joshua reacted first, screeching and ducking behind Hanekoma to hide from the sight of two bodies, bullet holes left in each of their heads’, blood pooled around them, the murderer nowhere to be seen.

Hanekoma grabbed his phone out of his pocket, calling the police to inform them of this. He listed the details before hanging up, leading Josh back around the corner.

“Are you okay, Joshua?” he asked, holding his arms to to move and give him a hug.

Joshua backed away from his spread arms, shaking his head. “Don’t try that. Don’t wanna be touched.”

Hanekoma frowned but nodded. “Okay, I won’t touch you. I’ll stay right here until the police come, I’ll make sure nobody hurts you.”

Josh didn’t say anything back verbally, but he nodded, sitting down on the ground and leaning against the wall. After a moment, he started to rock back and forth, arms wrapped around his knees and eyes closed. Hanekoma chose to stand nearby, keeping an eye out for trouble-makers or the police as he waited, thoughts churning in his head.

He glanced down at Josh, wondering what he was going to do. If Josh’s life were much like the one before, he wouldn’t have any family to take him in, or if he did, none of them would be good at raising him. The best-case scenario would be to take him in himself. Raising a kid wasn’t something Hanekoma had ever officially done, but he knew the basics, and he could do it, he _would_ do it if it was best for Josh.

Hanekoma pulled out his phone, finding a certain contact and typing out a quick message.

^Found Joshua, his parents were just murdered, if he doesn’t have a good home somewhere else I’m taking him in.^

 

~~~

 

Hanekoma sighs as the bell to the shop rings, and he looks up to see Josh grinning, so he smiles back. “Hey kiddo, good day today?”

Josh nods, walking to the back to deposit his bag. “Yeah, think I did well on my test, and afterwards I hung out with Neku at Ramen Don, and that one chef, Beat was there. He makes the best ramen. Anyway, me and Neku chatted, he tried to steal my ramen, but I managed to save it. He helped me with some of my history homework, which I really don’t know how he knows all that stuff…” Josh kept talking, rambling about his day, and how great it was to hang out with Neku, and Hanekoma could only chuckle and shake his head a bit. He’d missed seeing this side of Josh, all those years ago, the happy excitable kid who didn’t have the weight of a city on his shoulders.

“What are you laughing about?” Josh asks, pouting at him, and Hanekoma rolls his eyes at being called out.

“Nothin’, nothin’. You just care about him a lot, don’tcha? You’re infodumping about everything you did with Neku today, after all.”

Josh blushes, covering his face with his hand to hide it. “Yeah, well… Neku’s pretty great, okay? He’s my friend, why wouldn’t I care?”

“Yeah, he’s a good kid. You’re both good for each other. Here’s the part where I’m supposed t’ tease ya about having a crush on your best friend, but I don’t feel like doin’ that, so you’re off the hook today, J. Now go change outta your school clothes before you do any more stuff!”

“Alright, alright I’m going. Thanks for skipping the teasing.” Josh chuckles, waving back at Hanekoma, and as the kid disappears up the stairs, Hanekoma sighs once more.

He’d been right, all those years ago, Josh had no family willing to take him in, distant relatives he barely knew who didn’t care. With a bit of work, some of it magical, Hanekoma had been able to snag Josh and get appointed as his legal guardian. The beginning was bumpy, but he wouldn’t change a thing.


	4. Chapter 4

_“Joshua.”_

_The concrete between them, still stained red with blood, felt much the same as their first meeting, minus Sho and the guns._

_“Howdy partner, long time no see,” he says, not taking his eyes off the ground, the one flaw in his smiling mask of normalcy being the distinct lack of eye contact._

_“It’s been six months. It’s been six months since the Game, six months, and you decide to waltz back into my life now!?” Neku is shouting, charging forward, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and pushing him up against the mural. “I waited for you! Here, at Hachiko, hell I even tried to break into that creepy pad of yours! So why now?”_

_“My temporary suspension from the RG has ended. I finished cleaning up my mess ages ago, and being forced to stay away put a damper on my conflict-avoidant tendencies.” He grins, looking up at Neku, finding hurt and confusion and hope in his eyes._

_“You? Conflict-avoidant? After all the shit you pulled that doesn’t sound right.” Neku rolls his eyes, letting go of his collar, only to grab him by the wrist. “I’m not letting you take off until you’ve explained.”_

_Josh laughs, nodding. “Believe it or not, when I don’t have the events in a conflict scripted, I will do everything I can to stay out of it. The Long Game was scripted, though you tossed out the script at the end by not shooting me.” He can feel Neku tense at that, but before the other can ask, he continues._

_“I’m sure you know what it’s like, I chose you for a reason after all, dear. The most misanthropic person in Shibuya besides myself. Loneliness fed into misanthropy with fed into Shibuya, and she in turn fed self-hatred and misery back to me. Getting stuck in a feedback loop of negativity makes existence seem like too much effort, and well, if you shot me, my point would’ve been proven, Shibuya couldn’t change, but I wouldn’t be around to deal with the aftermath.”_

_Neku huffs. “Well next time you wanna die, don’t involve me in some fucked-up game again. Better yet, try getting some friends to talk to. Though, with how antagonistic you are, it must be hard, finding people to stick around.”_

_“When you want someone to shoot you, the logical decision is to act as horrible as possible to them, so that when the time comes, they will pull the trigger. I’d like to think I’m not always as bad as what you saw during the Game.”_

_“Well, I guess you’ll have to prove it to me, because the first impression I got from you was a hole. In my skull.”_

_Josh rolls his eyes. “You know, I was considering finding a way to apologize for that, but now it’ll just sound forced. Still, I hope that in the future, I’ll have at least one friend who sticks around.”_

_Neku frowns, looking Josh over, looking at his hand on the other’s wrist. “If I let go, you’re not just gonna disappear for another six months, right?”_

_He has to take a breath, contemplate his answer, before looking up at Neku. “I promise, so long as I am capable of doing so, and for as long as you want me around, I won’t disappear. I won’t abandon you, Neku.”_

_“If you ever do, I will **never** forgive you, for anything.” Despite the harsh words, a small smile graces Neku’s face as he lets go of Josh’s wrist, and Josh smiles back._

 

Standing at an old, faded mural in the backstreets of Udagawa, Josh frowns. He shouldn’t be here, it’s late, this area is not known for being safe, and yet.

Another nightmare had hit, but this time, it didn’t feel the same. It wasn’t fear, but longing, and he couldn’t handle that, he got up and left the house. He made sure to have his phone with him, but he couldn’t stay still, so he let his feet guide him, only to end up at this place.

Staring at the ground, for a second he sees a crimson stain embedded in the concrete as he reaches the mural. He stumbles back, blinking and looking at the spot again, finding nothing there. _The nightmare has blood, that’s good to know_ , he thinks to himself, rubbing his head. One more detail to add to his dream journal, his dreams seemed to be bleeding into reality.

Pulling his phone out, Josh sits, leaning against Hanekoma’s old mural. He opens it up, finding Neku’s contact and shooting him a text. There was no point in trying to deal with this alone, and Neku always had a _vibe_ about him, he always helped right the world when it felt wrong.

^Hey, I know it’s like 3am, but I can’t sleep. Nightmare again.^

He gets a reply almost immediately. _^You okay? I’m up for chatting right now if you need to talk.^_

^I don’t know… I just, I can’t deal with this right now. All the nightmares, all the dreams, and I can’t remember anything. There’s /blood/ in them, or one of them? I think I had a different one just now.^

_^Different? How so? If you want I can sneak over, chat with you in person.^_

^No, it’s okay. It didn’t have the same sense of fear, of terror and pain, more like, wishful longing.^

 _^Huh, odd. And you sure? It’s really not that hard, and if you’re having a rough time I wanna be there to help.^_ Josh sighs, smiling at Neku’s insistence.

^Yeah, I’m sure. Sneaking over to my place would be pointless right now, since I’m not there.^

^I’m at Hanekoma’s old mural over in Udagawa. Went for a walk, feet took me here, don’t know why, just felt right.^

_^Oh my god.^_

_^Josh.^_

_^It’s 3am, that’s not a very safe place to be, I’m heading over now.^_

_^Don’t you dare protest this I am not letting you stay out there all on your own at 3am what the hell?^_

^I wasn’t planning on coming here, it just happened, couldn’t stay in the house.^

_^I understand that, but seriously! Hanging out at Udagawa alone at night can be dangerous! What if something happened and you got killed? What would I do then?^_

^Wait until the next Game week passes, cuz then I’d be back.^

_^And what if you lost, huh? What would I do without my best friend if you lost?^_

^Well, for starters, you wouldn’t remember me, probably.^

_^That’s not reassuring at all. That is the opposite of reassuring. If you die I’m gonna bring you back to life just so I can kick your ass for dying on me.^_

^Haha, well, I’m not planning on dying any time soon here. Even with knowing about the Game, death does not sound appealing.^

_^Your actions tonight fail to convince me of that.^_

^This place isn’t as dangerous as you make it sound. Sure some bad things have happened here, but the last time someone died here was ages ago. Besides, with you on the way, I’m sure to be safe :)^

_^Ugh, you’re horrible.^_

_^I’ll be there in like 5 more minutes but my phone’s dying and I want to save some of the battery life, so we’ll chat more when I’m there. Call me if anything bad happens.^_

^Kk, will do, Neku!^


	5. Chapter 5

_“Okay Josh, you’ve dragged me all around Shibuya, you took me to Ramen Don, to Miyashita park, and then we went shopping at AMX, and you’ve refused to let me pay for anything today, and now we’re here. At Udagawa. What’s up?” Neku frowns, and Josh figures he’s expecting some smug answer._

_What Neku gets instead, is a blush rising to Josh’s face, as he bites his lip and looks away. He has to pause and think, trying to remember the script he’d prepared, and he can feel the seconds tick past as he fails to think of the words. In the end, he sighs, and he knows he has to speak or the silence will stretch on too long, so he decides to wing it._

_“I was wondering if you would like to go out. With me. In the dating sense… Like, I like you? And… ugh.” He groans, covering his face with his hand and closing his eyes, because this is coming out horrible. “I had a script prepared,” he mumbles, “but I can’t remember it. But hanging out with you is a lot of fun, and when I’m around you I just feel all bubbly and happy and I don’t ever have to play pretend, I can just be myself, and just… ugh.”_

_He doesn’t look up at Neku yet, afraid to see the reaction. “You make me forget all my words and scripts because I don’t usually need them around you, but I wanted to do this right, even though I think I reversed the order since you’re supposed to ask someone out before taking them out on what would probably count as a date… This is so awful I’m sorry you can just… forget this happened.”_

_Josh stares at the ground, waiting for a reaction, any sort of reaction at all, but Neku’s not speaking. As he dares to look up he hears footsteps, and Neku’s in front of him, and as he drops his hand to his side, bracing for a negative remark, Neku leans in to kiss him._

_It’s soft, and short, and sweet, and Josh melts into it, eyes widened when it ends, as he stares at Neku, who has now circled his arms around him._

_“You’re a huge dweeb, ya know? Instead of me forgetting this, how about I always remember that adorable mess of a confession, and say yes?” Neku smiles at Josh, amusement sparkling in his eyes, but there’s no ill intent._

_“That… that works for me. I’d be happy with that. Super, super happy, actually, with that, like--”_

_Neku cuts him off with another kiss. “You’re rambling again. Would asking questions help your brain start working again?” Josh nods, and so Neku asks, “Okay then, how come you chose today to ask me out?”_

_Josh grins. “It’s the anniversary of when we met, it only felt fitting.”_

_It takes Neku a moment, the gears in his brain turning, but when he realizes, he shoots Josh a glare. “Oh my god, you’re such an ass. I cannot believe, of all days you could choose, you chose the one on which you shot me.”_

_That gets a giggle from Josh. “You still said yes, dear. I’m surprised you didn’t remember the date, it’s only been a year. Of course, now you have a new date to remember.”_

 

Josh groans, feeling his body shake as he slips out of that dream. He blinks looking around, and oh this isn’t his bedroom. It takes a moment to recall that he’d left, motivated by his nightmares to get out of the house. The last he could remember was texting Neku. Who happens to be looking down at him in concern.

“You okay, Josh? I got here and you were passed out, so I figured I should let you sleep, but it’s been like half an hour since then.”

He frowns, rubbing his head. “Ugh, has it? Must’ve fallen asleep while waiting for you. Had _another_ dream I can’t remember, different but similar again, to the other two. Felt happier though.” Part of that was a lie, he could remember bits and pieces of it, yet the dream still had the same feel as the others, and that freaked him out a bit. He didn’t want to tell Neku, though, because the content involved him asking Neku out. He never wanted to admit dreaming about that, it’d give away his crush.

“It took me like, five minutes to get here. You fell asleep in five minutes. That’s not good.” Neku frowns, sitting down to his right, and Josh scoots closer, hesitating for a moment before leaning on him. When he does so, Neku wraps an arm around him.

“I don’t think I’ve had a good night’s sleep in months, since these nightmares began. They’re just so _frustrating!_ I can’t sleep half the time after them, too scared by the mysterious events that I can’t even remember. My grades have started slipping, I’m always tired, and now I think I’m so sleep deprived that I’m seeing things. Things I don’t usually see! I thought I saw _blood_ when I got here, just a few feet away from the mural. Two days ago, Wednesday, at Towa records, I thought I saw Beat’s sibling, Rhyme, but they were like, 13? I don’t know how I recognized them. And then a Swing Shark Noise got them! But later that day I saw Rhyme at Ramen Don. I keep seeing Taboo Noise, and I don’t even know how I’d know they’re Taboo, but when I look again they’re gone, and Hanekoma hasn’t gotten any reports of Taboo.”

He curls up tighter as Neku traces circles on his arm, sighing. “I’m just so. Done. With all of this shit. Pretty much every time I’ve gone by Hachiko for the past two weeks I’ve seen glimpses of you, but I go to say hi, and that turns out to be false too.”

Neku frowns. “Well, I’m here right now, and I insist that you get some sleep. It’s Friday, no school tomorrow, so I’m sure Hanekoma won’t mind if I spend the night. It’s helped before, after all.”

Josh’s eyes widen. “No no no, no, you don’t have to, really, it’s fine! I swear, I’m fine--”

Neku cuts off his protests by standing up, and picking Josh up, carrying him bridal-style. “No protests. I’m taking you to your room, and as long as you’re fine with contact tonight, we are going to snuggle under that great weighted blanket of yours until you get a good night’s rest.” With that, he heads off, walking the path to WildKat.

“ _Neku_ , you don’t need to do this, I’ll be fine,” Josh mumbles, holding back a yawn.

“Bullshit. Like hell you’re fine. You are having actual hallucinations, which might not seem like a big deal to you with your ability to see the Game and all, but the Game is there, just hidden from most, while this stuff ain’t.” Neku glances down at him, before looking up again to pay attention to where he’s going, and Joshua is thankful that the light given off by the street-lamps isn’t enough to reveal his blush as he leans his head on Neku’s chest.

“Doesn’t justify you carrying me though…” He didn’t want to be put down, but he’s got a mask to maintain. Can’t let it slip that he likes being carried, that’d be a sign of his crush.

“The more you protest, the more I am going to smother you in care. I’ve added letting you use my headphones to listen to music to the list of what you get tonight.”

“ _Ugh_. Fine, you win.” He’s known Neku since he was eight, and in those seven years, he’s learned that a determined Neku is one that cannot be stopped.

“Maybe I should try and find that lavender candle you love, I’m sure there’s some around your place. Smells good, I like it too, though if this all sounds like too much sensory stuff, I don’t have to get that.” Neku looks back down again, and Josh figures he’s smiling by the soft lilt to his voice, but it’s hard to tell with his eyes closed.

“Music is fine, candle is a no. Lavender may be calming, but smells are distracting and keep me up, as does the light from a flame.”

Neku hums in acknowledgement, slipping his spare key to the quiet cafe out from his pocket, being careful not to drop Josh. Once they’re inside, it’s a simple matter of navigating through the storefront to the back, and up the stairs to Josh’s bedroom.

Joshua looks up through half-open eyes at Neku, as the other sets him on the bed and grabs the blanket. He soon feels the comforting weight of Neku’s headphones around his head, and the harmonic melodies playing from them would be enough to lull him to sleep alone. The weighted blanket, and Neku laying half on top of him, are both enough to ensure he passes out quick.

 

Neku sighs, pulling out his phone as the light starts to filter in from Joshua’s window. He’d slept a bit, but not as much as Josh, who was still out cold underneath him. He didn’t dare move off the other, disturbing this much needed rest that lacked nightmares didn’t sound at all appealing.

Instead, he opts to send a message to Hanekoma, not wanting him to come in and wake Josh up.

^Josh is asleep beneath me, don’t come wake him up. He’s not having any nightmares right now, he needs this.^

_^Wasn’t aware you came over last night, ‘Phones. He oughta run it by me before inviting friends over still, but alright, I’ll wait to wake him up.^_

^He was at the Udagawa mural. At three AM last night. He passed out in the five minutes it took me to get there. He’s so sleep deprived that all this is bleeding into reality. You never mentioned he was hallucinating past events when you updated me last.^

_^All he told me was Taboo, you’re makin it sound like it’s worse than the occasional glimpse of black Noise.^_

^He saw /blood/ at the mural last night, probably mine. He admitted to seeing me at Hachiko when I wasn’t there for the past two weeks. He saw what happened to Rhyme. He’s got no clue what’s going on, he’s /terrified/, he’s a moment away from breaking, and you’re not doing anything.^

_^His memories are most likely to return if he hits the breaking point.^_

^Wow.^

^You’re a shit guardian angel.^

^You are his legal guardian, and you are an Angel. Ergo, you should act like a guardian angel and actually care about his mental well being at this moment.^

^The ends do not justify the means. I thought you might’ve learned that from your past mistakes. Guess I was wrong.^

_^Neku^_

^Save it.^

^I’ve got paperwork to do, so once he’s up, I’m grabbing some food and leaving. I suggest not doing anything to upset whatever stability he gains from having actual amounts of sleep after I’m gone.^


	6. Chapter 6

_“Howdy. The name’s Yoshiya Kiryu. But Mother and Father call me Joshua. I guess you can call me Joshua too-- seeing as how you’re my dear, dear partner.”_

_“What if I am the one who killed you? You’re going to do something about it?”_

_“But Neku, I thought you couldn’t afford to lose. Give up on yourself, and you give up on the world.”_

_“All of this was a game-- One set up by me.”_

_“Hee hee, it was me, Neku. I’m Shibuya’s Composer.”_

_“Neku? You’d better pick up that gun, I mean, this IS going to be a duel.”_

 

Joshua sat upright in bed, eyes wide as snapshots of another life were crammed into his head.

 

_Cold weighted metal in his hands, bullets loaded into the barrel._

_Darkness, nothingness, as one bullet slammed its way through his head._

_Power, excitement, looming over Neku as he shot the other in Udagawa._

_Dread as he shot the boy once more, in the Room of Reckoning._

 

He whimpers, grabbing his head, shutting his eyes tight, rocking back and forth, trying to figure out what’s going on, why he’s swimming in a sea of memories that were not his own.

 

_A young child, being forced into extracurriculars, violin and piano, becoming a prodigy. His parents never showing up to any recitals._

_Cold eyes that bore into him more than any bullet ever would, because the fake warmth in the faces of tutors and “special helpers” couldn’t hide the fact that they all saw him like an object, not a human. Wooden rulers slapping his hands when they dared to move, water from spray bottles irritating his skin when he did something “wrong” as if he were a cat, having routine messed up because of the whims of an adult, because he was a seven year old who needed to be taught how to be normal._

_Running off whenever he could, because when he turned ten, restrictions lightened. Stopping into WildKat one afternoon, coming back a few times because the barista was nice. The barista noticing this kid staring out the windows, watching things he should not be able to see. A ten year old, learning of the Game he saw._

_Getting a gun for his 15th birthday (December 24th), because his dad is Texan and he’s alone except for checkups from nearby relatives every few days. The gun came in the mail, not with his father. On the 25th, playing the violin at his largest recital yet, the front center two seats empty again. The 26th, a loud bang resounds in his room, his body is found two days later._

 

Joshua bites his tongue, resisting the urge to scream. Standing up, he wraps his weighted blanket around himself, using one hand to hold it in place and the other for balance, running it along the wall as he walks.

 

_Agony as he becomes Composer, losing himself to the city, forgetting who he is as every sound in Shibuya pounds its way into his head, as every light blinds him. Body blurred at the edges, waking up with no injuries despite having slammed his head on concrete and having torn the skin on his arms apart. It’s a long adjustment period before he no longer has meltdowns every other day._

_Four years after his death, almost five, wishing to self-destruct, misery built up inside him and ready to explode. He absorbs all negativity from his city, and in turn she is influenced by his mood, a feedback loop. The negative charge he’s built up cracks, and lightning in the form of another bullet strikes a boy named Neku._

_The Long Game. Being the worst possible person ever to his chosen Proxy, who refuses to put him out of his misery. Censures shoved down his throat, yet no assassination comes. Befriending Neku (it takes six months for him to talk to the boy). Apologizing. Wrongdoings being put in the past, not wholly forgiven or forgotten._

 

He wanders downstairs, heading for the fridge, not bothering to turn the kitchen light on.

 

_Falling in love with Neku, getting away with making heart-eyes at him only due to how dense his skull was. It takes a year from the Long Game’s start to confess, he breaks first, and Neku returns the confession with a kiss._

_Dying six months later. A Fallen attacking him, eyes widened as Neku walks in. He sacrifices himself to save Neku, using the last of his power to ensure Reincarnation, sure that Neku is soon to follow him into death once more._

 

He stares at the array of food in front of him, body shaking from the influx of memories. After a few minutes of focusing on his breathes, judging by the beeping of the fridge telling him to close it, he lets out a final sigh and grabs some leftover ramen from the night before. He doesn’t bother heating it up, instead just plopping down on the couch with a bowl of it in hand, focusing on eating, thoughts wandering.

He’d killed Neku. He’d killed himself to become Composer, and when that hadn’t worked out, he’d decided to kill someone else and provoke them into shooting him. When Neku hadn’t, Josh shot him again.

One thought struck him then: Neku has been his age this whole time. They’d grown up together, ever since Josh had moved in with Hanekoma. The Fallen had killed Neku too, because Josh hadn’t been good enough, quick enough, to save him. Neku had died _again_ because of him.

It took a second, but soon his brain backtracked enough to think of another person: Hanekoma. An Angel? Producer? Those terms were brand new in reference to the Game, and yet, he knew what they meant; those terms meant Hanekoma had access to Taboo, that his father figure ( _of two lives now!_ chimed a voice in the back of his head) had set him up to be Erased by Minamimoto.

Hearing the stairs behind him creak snaps him out out of his thoughts, and of course it’s Hanekoma, he’d probably woken up hearing the refrigerator beeps a bit ago.

“Same nightmare again?” he asks, coming over to sit on the armrest of the couch, not too close, thankfully.

“Mm, somethin’ like that,” is Josh’s reply, not bothering to look at Hanekoma, instead spinning the ramen noodles around on his fork.

“Did you remember anything this time at least?”

“Quite a lot, actually, Sanae.” He can see Hanekoma flinch back in surprise in his peripheral vision.

“...Ah, how are ya holding up?” He frowns, eyebrows scrunched in concern for Josh.

“My head is a mess and it’s not fun. Believe it or not, but having 21 years of memory jam itself into your head can hurt, a lot.” He swirls the noodles around a bit more, sighing before scooping up a mouthful and swallowing it.

“Well, if you need to talk about it, I’m here for ya,” Hanekoma says, offering a reassuring grin.

“Just like you were here for me during the Long Game?” It’s a cold thing to say, he knows, but seeing Hanekoma wince from the words doesn’t make him regret saying them. “That feels like a fresh wound again, the sting of betrayal. Not as bad as it was the first time I realized, of course, and hey, lucky you, since I remember putting it in the past last lifetime I’ll probably get over it again sooner.”

“Josh, I-”

“Stop,” he cuts Hanekoma off before the other can even start. “Just, stop. You’ve said it all before, I remember all that, so there’s no need to rehash what we both already know.”

It takes a bit for Hanekoma to respond, and when he does so, it starts with a sigh as he leans back against the couch. “Alright, kiddo, leaving that speech in the past. Still, if you need to talk, I _am_ here for you. What sort of parent guardian guy would I be if I wasn’t?”

Josh doesn’t respond, not at first. He ponders what to say, if there is anything he wants to say, as he eats a bit more. When he finds words again, they’re whispered.

“I can’t face him, not again.” He pauses, waiting to see if Hanekoma says anything, but continues after the silence. “Neku walked in during that fight, he’s my age again, I’ve grown up with him. He died again, he died and reincarnated like me. He died and it’s my fault once more, because I couldn’t save him.”

“Josh, that’s not your fault.” Hanekoma moves to reach out and comfort him, but Josh scoots away, fixing him with a look of annoyance, because really, after all this time, he should know that almost all touching is not allowed.

“He’s never shown signs of remembering, and I don’t know if that’s better or worse, honestly. If he doesn’t remember, then there’s no way he can pass judgement, but if he does by some chance remember, I’d have to face the verdict he gives.”

“He’s your _friend_ , J, and if he could forgive you for shooting him, twice, I doubt he’d be uppity about this. Hell, he snuck over two nights ago and _cuddled_ with you, to make sure you got some sleep.” Hanekoma sighs, before speaking again. “Come on, you still have school tomorrow. Get some more rest and deal with this in the daytime.”

“Mm, guess that’ll work. I’m gonna head back to bed then, maybe now that I remember I won’t get anymore nightmares.” With that, Josh stands, holding his blanket close to his body with one hand, using the other to hold his bowl of ramen until he deposits it in the sink, heading back up the stairs.

He doubts he’ll be able to face Neku still, but voicing that aloud would get him comments about how he shouldn’t run away. Josh couldn’t do that, he’d dodge Neku for as long as possible, because Neku not remembering would worsen the sting of his death.

 

Watching Josh ascend the stairs, Hanekoma sighs. He grabs his phone and fires off a text, two words, to Shibuya’s Composer.

^He remembers.^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to take this time to direct your attention to [the lovely art done by my Bang partner, for this chapter!](http://subasekabang.tumblr.com/post/151400492375/) It's truly beautiful and I love it and want to hug Josh


	7. Chapter 7

_“We’re so sorry to say this, but your son has autism.” The faceless doctors tell his parents, and his mom bursts into tears._

_“My poor child. What ever shall we do now?” It’s like she’s mourning, while his father stands in shock._

_“Is there any way to treat it?” asks his father, and the doctors nod._

_“Yes, we can recommend some therapists to you.”_

 

Josh sighs, staring at the ceiling. He throws that memory into the mental box for past memories.

 

_“Hey kiddo. I’ve been looking into your files, says you’re autistic?” Josh flinches, ready for the negativity associated with that word. His parents considered tossing him out for it, they settled for therapy to make him normal. He expects the same response. It doesn’t come._

_“It’s okay,” Hanekoma continues, “not gonna get mad about it or anything. Just wanted to know if you needed anything. What sorts of stims do you have? I can get you some toys, maybe a weighted blanket. We’ve already established that I can read sign-language, but if there’s anything I can do, just let me know.”_

 

A memory from this life. Hanekoma had learned sign language for him the first life, and he’d managed to remember it.

 

_^Joshua please, for fucks sake, text me back. It’s been a week what the hell?^_

 

A text from Neku. He groans, watching as the message becomes obscured, the notification on his lock screen continuing its count, showing the last message received.

He now had over a hundred texts from Neku, and ten missed calls. At least Neku learned quick that he was in no mood to answer the phone, but the non-stop stream of texts he refused to open didn’t end.

_^I’m coming over and you’re not allowed to turn me away again.^_

The last message pops up on his screen, and he frowns, tossing the phone to the other side of the bed.

Hanekoma had let him take sick leave for the first two days after he’d remembered, but then it was back to school. He’d taken a different route every day, dodging Neku, making sure he wouldn’t be spotted. His insides churned at the thought of seeing him, his crush amplified knowing they had been together in their past life, but also he’d been the cause of Neku’s death, again. The  guilt ate away at his heart, aching from the weight of his sins.

Josh shook his head and sat up when he heard the knock at his door, not bothering to move to unlock it.

“I know you’re in there, Josh. Stop sulking and come let me in!”

Hearing Neku prompts Josh to stand, and he grabs a notebook and a pencil from his desk. He sits and leans against the door, scrawling a big _NO_ out on the paper, then slipping it under.

He can hear Neku pick it up, and sigh. “I’m your friend, Josh, you can tell me what’s wrong. You being nonverbal about this is making me more concerned. So please, let me in, tell me what you’re thinking, what’s going on. I promise I won’t react bad.”

It takes Josh a moment to think, but in the end, he writes _You wouldn’t understand_ on the next sheet of paper, and under the door it goes.

Josh starts to rock side to side as silence falls, Neku taking far too long to contemplate his next words.

“Josh. I know. I remember everything.” His voice is quiet, calm even as he shakes Joshua’s view of the situation so bad that cracks form along the wall created just last week. An earthquake to his hideaway from the world.

“I’m going to get in there, no matter what, Josh. Make it easier and open the door so we can talk.”

He can hear Neku sigh as another note with _No_ written on it gets passed to him.

And the Neku is standing in his room, a few feet in front of him, causing him to flinch backwards and smush himself up against the door.

 _[No. You aren’t supposed to be able to teleport. This isn’t-- you can’t--]_ Josh is shaking his head, frowning, hands doing half-signs as he tries to find his words, but this isn’t _right_. Neku teleported into his room, Neku shouldn’t be able to do that, not if he got reincarnated.

Neku sits down in front of Josh, leaving some space between them. “Hanekoma told me you remembered, so I decided to let you have some time to work this out. I figured you’d probably be avoidant, that seems to be your go-to reaction to feeling guilty, ya know? I’d hoped you’d give that up and come chat, but I ran out of patience.”

Josh can’t look up at Neku, staring at the ground instead. _[What happened after I got Erased?]_ He has a guess, connecting the dots between Neku remembering and teleporting, and the last events he remembered.

“After you saved me from that attack, I snapped. You always did say I was super powerful, heh,” he says. “I saw you get hit, and next thing I know I’m shooting lightning bolts at the Fallen. You’d already worn them out, and before they could gain any Composer powers from beating you, I’d taken them down. Which is why I’m here now, as Shibuya’s Composer.”

_[So, not only did I get Erased, but you got stuck with my job. I don’t know if that’s better or worse than you getting reincarnated with me like I thought.]_

“It’s not that bad, a bit taxing now and then yeah, but I’ve still got all my friends, and Uzuki makes a fine Conductor nowadays. Shibuya’s still super happy to have you around too, by the way. She missed you. I missed you, too.” Neku’s words prompt Josh to look up at him, and when he sees Neku’s smile, he gives a half-smile back.

_[Thank you. Thank you for being my friend, for pretending to grow up with me. You didn’t have to do that.]_

“I know, I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. I remember, one time you mentioned how I was your first friend. Or, twice, I guess, once in this life and once in the past, but still. I was determined not to let you go 19 years without a friend this time, so when you showed up, I decided to make sure you had at least one friend as a kid.” Neku pauses, looking to the left of Josh. “Can I come sit by you now so we can cuddle or would you prefer to not do that?”

Josh blushes, but responds with a quick _[Yes, get over here,]_ to Neku’s question.

Neku grins and scoots over, wrapping his arm around Josh. “So, should I ask you out this time, or would you rather try again? I know you’ve been trying to think up some way to ask me out for _ages_. You’re so adorable when you’ve got a crush, ya know?”

Josh groans, burying his head in Neku’s side. “You’re _horrible_. Also that 100% just counted as you asking me out, so there’s no need for me to fail miserably again.”

Neku laughs. “Aw, alright That means it’s your turn to kiss first, though.”

He rolls his eyes, but pulls himself up away from Neku’s side, before leaning in and kissing. It’s not magic, it’s not perfect, but the kiss is nice, and warm, and familiar.

The future was nebulous, he had no clue what might be coming, and he and Neku still had lots to discuss, but for now, Josh decided to relax, and enjoy the moment.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my fic! I wrote this for the TWEWY fandom Bang in 2016, and it's been such a blast! This is currently the fic that I am the proudest of writing! It is my only finished multichapter fic, and it's been so fun to do!
> 
> It is placed in a series because I plan to write one-shots for this verse later on. I have so many other ideas and details in my head that never made it into the fic due to time constraints and life stuff that is super annoying, but I'll hopefully be posting them to the series later!
> 
> I also need to make a mention of how much absolute fun it is to write autistic characters, I've been doing it for a while (I've had this headcanon for Josh and Neku for a while), but it's seriously great! I get to take from my own real life experiences and put them into characters that I love and connect with!
> 
> I'd love to hear some feedback, comments, questions, what you liked or didn't like, that sorts of stuff!


End file.
